Dating Probs: Chapter 2

We’re all aware of the dangers of driving whilst under the influence of alcohol but do you want to know what is actually worse? What is even more perilous (sort of)? Drink dating. Ladies please be aware because this is a serious issue that you shouldn’t take lightly as you may end up, like me, wasting weeks of your time thinking your dating Zac Efron when really, you’re knocking about with Piers Morgan.

I went on a gals night out a while back (cue a million selfies and boomerangs of cocktail glasses clinking together…) when I bumped into a guy I vaguely knew from college who had messaged me a couple of times. I was drunk, shock horror, but thought he was good looking, funny and he plied me with even more alcohol – always a winner in my book. So anyway, we began dating for a few weeks and every time I seen him,  I always thought ‘he’s great, he’s amazing, he’s the guy I’ve waited for in all my six months of singledom’. Yet, the ‘ick’ (which is a real thing that Liv from Love Island brought my attention to) soon kicked in and I found myself not quite feeling right about him, despite me thinking he was great when we went out and whenever we texted.

Regardless, we organised another date for later that week and when The Lad showed up at my flat I realised I’d been leathered the whole time I’d been seeing him. We’d met and I’d been drunk, our dates had been alcohol related and whenever he’d stayed over after a heavy drinking session, I’d been hungover (and drunk still) in the morning. The result was that I did not fancy him whatsoever, at all, nada, fucking zilch. It wasn’t that he looked completely different (I wasn’t that much of an alcoholic), but someone had made a passing comment about The Lad looking like a lollipop, as in his head was abnormally large and round AND IT WAS. Now, I couldn’t take my eyes off the abnormally large head and he probably thought it was because I was in love with him #dilemmaz.

I decided it wasn’t nice to be such a shallow bitch and didn’t tell him to leave the minute I realised there was nothing about him I found attractive, so I did the moral thing and took him to Spoons to see if his personality was as attractive sober as I’d imagined it was pissed. It wasn’t. Turns out he was the most arrogant, patronising, self-absorbed person I’d ever met in my whole life, to the point where I had to emergency call friends and discuss my horror at being trapped on a date with him. After enduring an hour of conversations that revolved around him (I like to talk about myself) and him actually arguing with me about facts I KNEW WERE TRUE about a city I’d recently visited and he’s never been to, I had to throw in the towel.

The moral of the story: never drink and date. It’s not a good idea and if drunk you is anything like drunk me, she’s got a completely different agenda and knows fuck all about what sober you wants. Don’t do it to yourself.

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