Winter is coming, although given this current ‘cold snap’ it feels like it’s already here. Here’s a few little tips to help you all get the most out of this festive season…
- Queue for longer than usual for a sickly sweet Christmas edition of your usual Costa/ Starbucks order just to sample them (and probs hate them) and Instagram their creations. Maybe even get your coffee to go, simply so you can Snapchat the Christmas cups even if that means freezing your tits off outside #priorities.
- Fireworks are for Bonfire night? Incorrect hun. Fireworks are for every night of the rest of the fucking year whether you like it or not. Perfect opportunity get that perfect Boomerang on your Insta story though. Note to self: Try not to watch the entire firework display through your phone when attempting capture the perfect explosion.
- Get a fire on the go: flames are yet again, a perfect boomerang opportunity. Especially when you’re burning photo’s of your ex, old coursework, the last scraps of this years dignity… Ooo embrace that release.
- Winter is the chubby gal’s paradise. That extra layer of fat you wanted to shed all throughout summer will come in need in this freezing weather. Unless you’re prepared to go out wearing next to nothing and look like a dickhead in winter, now is the time to embrace all the foods. Get fat n enjoy it and then put on a puffa jacket and blame the chub on the padding.
- Buy the perfect winter scarf and hat. Zara has some STUNNAZ in this year and I’m completely obsessed and counting down the seconds until payday…
- Be proper extra and get a faux fur gilet/ coat cos it’ll look perfect in some #plandid Insta shots even though it’ll spend the rest of Winter in the back of your wardrobe because you’ll feel like a dickhead swanning round the Asda in it.
- Go for a winter walk and find some dying leaves (not covered in dog shit) to photograph, ft. your new winter boots.
- Embrace the fact that alcohol is acceptable 24/7 for the rest of the year. Work’s getting busy? Enjoy a Bailey’s to get you through. Can’t be arsed dealing with extended family this festive period? Smash a bottle of prosecco in. Tis’ the season to get blackout drunk and messy.
- Get a fella. Everyone will be staying in due to the cold weather so grab yourself someone to share a dominoes with, post cute festive snaps with and buy you Christmas presents then evaluate whether it’s worth keeping them about in the spring when the Single Gal Stuntin phase starts up again #wisdom.